The Epic Story of PPTH
by mynamemattersnot
Summary: It seems like a normal day at the hospital until there is an angry mob and Cuddy turns into a giant she devil. Warning: Crack fic.


**Author's Note: This is a major rewrite of my first fanfiction story. I hope you find it fun! 8D! I don't own House MD and credit its creation to the wonderful David Shore.**

It was almost a day like any other day. It was a warm midsummer day. House limped into work late as usual only to see Twitter in his office with his ducklings. Before, any of them could see him, he went into Wilson's office and hid.

"House, why did you barge into my office again? If you're here the get breakfast off of me, I'm busy. If you're here to hide from Cuddy, I heard the coma guy hasn't had any unexpected company lately." Wilson said.

"Well, good morning to you too, wonder boy." House replied sarcastically.

Wilson sighed, "What do you want House?"

"Twitter is back."

"And what do you want me to do about it?"

"Maybe let me stay here so he doesn't know I'm here and doesn't try deporting me to a far away island." House answered his voice filled with sarcasm.

"How about you don't stay here, go do your job, and realize that he isn't going to deport you?"

"But that's no fun!"

"Babysitting you isn't fun either."

"But at least I don't need my diaper changed like some of your little bald kids."

Cuddy opened the door to Wilson's office and looked at House both impatiently and angrily.

"Who invited the she devil?" House asked.

"The she devil doesn't need an invitation since this is her hospital. House, you are either going to get some clinic work done or you're going to go do your job. I expect you to get some work done today and you have a new case." Cuddy said throwing him a blue folder which he caught.

House opened the folder, "It's schizophrenia. Case closed."

"House, you are either going to take this case seriously or go do clinic duty!"

"But mooommm!"

"Go do it, now!"

"Fine, I will do your stupid clinic work. Find someone else to deal with the delusion teenager." House said throwing the file back at her and heading to clinic duty already planning out how he was going to get out of doing the actual work.

His first patient was an over worried mother which took up sixteen percent of all the idiotic clinic patients. She brought her obviously overweight son in. Her son was carefully opening a lollipop.

"Doctor, I'm very concerned about my son's weight. You see he is rather big for his age and-" The mother began

"Yeh, obviously," House interrupted. "Maybe he shouldn't be eating sweets."

As House said that, he took the lollipop from the kid right before he could put it into his mouth for the first time. House put it into his own mouth and made a face at the kid. The mother looked angry.

"You did not just steal candy from my son!" The lady said angrily.

"Actually, I just did." House said not expecting for her to call other parents to her.

Soon, it was an angry mob which made House question whether he was awake or not. House having no time to react fled as fast as a crippled man could from the angry mob of parents. He rushed away from the crazy people only to run into a pack of growling dogs who barked loudly and wrestled his cane away from him. House treaded through the dogs absolutely sure he was caught in a strange dream.

Cuddy and Twitter stood in front of him and started yelling he covered his ears and limped awkwardly outside where it was literally raining case files.

"This has got to be the strangest dream I had." House said to himself.

The angry mob came outside and House took off as fast as he could knowing it was only a dream and that he could do whatever you wanted.

"How dare you steal my son's candy?" The mother of the overweight son continued to ask.

"I didn't steal it! Wilson did!" House yelled surprised to see the angry mob of parents run after Wilson.

"Wow, they are really stupid," House thought to himself surprised to see them come after him again as if they had mind reading abilities and had heard what he thought.

House was surprised to run into a hungry looking tiger and found himself trapped between an angry mob and a hungry animal. He tried to get away, but found himself trapped and tied to a chair. He tried to dream up a way out of the situation and somehow ended up with some cameramen who took flash pictures of the tiger and the mob temporarily stunning the mob and angering the tiger into chasing them.

It gave House just enough time to escape from his chair only to run into Twitter again. Twitter dangled handcuffs in front of him. House thought fast and threw a case file at Twitter like a frisbee making him drop his handcuffs. House kept throwing case files at him like they were snowballs taking the first opportunity to run that he could.

He ran through the same repeating stretch of town like a cartoon character. His leg began to hurt very bad and he fell a sea of color washing around him. He found himself surrounded by a sea of clinic patients trying to escape and "swam" up through them to a boat he rode through them to his apartment. He hoped this weird dream would be over soon.

Suddenly, Cuddy appeared in front of him as a huge giant with horns and a tail like a devil. House stared up at her much bigger chest wondering what he was going to do now.

"Damn, can't dream me have a sword or something?" House asked only getting a sligshot.

"Well, maybe I'm David and she's Goliath." He said aiming the sligshot at Cuddy's forehead and firing at it.

Cuddy roared and picked him up. House moved around desperately trying to get away.

"House! House! House!" She yelled and House finally jolted awake finding himself in his office Cuddy right in front of him with a blue folder in her hands, "You have a case."

House moaned in annoyance wishing he could go back to sleep.

**Author's Note: So was that drastic rewrite any good? Did you find it epic? Review and tell.**


End file.
